Treat an introduction as a sequence of permissions. A double opt-in introduction means both parties have agreed to an introduction before it happens.1 Until both permissions are secured, the work is still a request for an introduction.2 A forwardable note supports the request and does not create consent by itself. Build the process so each person gets a clear choice before the connection reaches their inbox.
Start with the connector
Start with a small ask that tests whether the connector wants to help. At this stage, you need a clear decision.
Send a brief preliminary request to gauge the strength of the relationship and the connector's willingness to connect.3 For each shared connection, use a curated, specific message and ask whether the person is willing to make an introduction.4
Ask: 'Would you feel comfortable making this introduction?' Offer to send a proper request they can forward once they agree.5 Giving the connector room to decline makes the request more manageable and courteous.6
Proceed only after the connector clearly agrees to help. Until then, do not treat the connection as settled or prepare it based on silence, a vague response, or a warm comment about the recipient.
Prepare the request
The connector should be able to act without asking you to reconstruct the context. Make the material complete and specific enough to forward.
After the connector confirms that they feel comfortable, send the proper request for the introduction.7 Use one email per requested introduction because the connector may not be authorized to share a full list.8
When you supply a forwardable email or blurb, expect the connector to check with the other person before sending the introduction.9 Write the note so the connector can review it privately, make any needed edits, and pass it along without exposing unrelated requests.
Include the reason for the introduction and the result you hope the conversation will produce. Keep the request narrow enough for the recipient to understand without decoding your wider outreach plan.
Let the recipient choose
The connector's confirmation starts the second permission check. Give the recipient enough context to decide privately.
Have the introducer contact the introducee privately first, explaining who the asker is, why the asker wants the introduction, and why meeting may benefit or appeal to the introducee.10 Ask the introducee whether they are willing to be introduced.11 Check that they are interested and have time to connect.12
Listen for a direct yes and a reason the conversation makes sense now. If the response is uncertain, leave the connection paused and invite the recipient to decide when the timing is better. The connector can return to you after the recipient has made a clear choice.
Make the connection
After the recipient has made that private choice, ask both sides privately before connecting them.13 Use the question 'Would you mind if I connect the two of you over email?'.14 Keep the final exchange simple so both people know why they are being brought together and have chosen to receive it.
The process takes more time and may end in a decline. Prior permission makes the recipient more likely to be happy and engaged during the conversation.15 The opt-in signals respect because neither party owes the requester anything.16
After both answers are clear, connect the people with the forwardable note. Keep the original reason intact, give the recipient the context they approved, and let the conversation proceed without adding a new pitch at the moment of introduction.
What not to do
These mistakes skip a permission check or make refusal harder. Before copying anyone, draft the connector question and the recipient question, then use this list as a final check.
- Treating familiarity as permission skips the recipient's decision, even when the connector knows that person well.12
- A forwardable email listing every desired introduction can expose requests the connector may not be authorized to share, so use one email per requested introduction.8
- Assuming a friend or relative will agree because you expect no objection skips the permission request.17
- When a prospect seems private, ask whether they would like an introduction and leave the decision with them.18