Referral request wording

The person you contact decides whether to give you attention and trust. Make that decision easier by explaining why you are reaching out and what the next person may gain. Treat a referral as a routing request: first find out who owns the area, then ask for an introduction. This keeps the contact from guessing who belongs in the conversation and gives them a message to pass along.

Before you ask

Choose the person and the moment before you choose the wording. Use this check to decide whether the contact is ready to help.

Start with someone who has positive sentiment toward your brand, since those people are most likely to refer it.¹ Make the request when that sentiment and willingness to refer are likely to be high.² Check whether the audience receiving the message is receptive,³ then consider whether the person helping you is ready to act on the request.⁴

The contact should be able to identify who handles the area, explain the context that person needs, or make the introduction. If they cannot do any of these, keep the conversation useful and wait for a better route.

Run the request in order

1

Find the route

2

Give the contact

3

Make the request direct

4

Use an advice request

5

Prepare the handoff

1. Find the route
2. Give the contact
3. Make the request direct
4. Use an advice request
5. Prepare the handoff

Use the conversation to establish the route, then write the handoff around what you learned. Move forward when the contact gives you a person, a reason that person should care, or permission to make the introduction.

1. Find the route.

   Ask who is responsible for the area you want to discuss. Listen for a specific person and any context about what they handle. Hold the referral request until the prospect identifies the responsible person.⁵

2. Give the contact enough context to help.

   Name the person who suggested the conversation, explain why you are reaching out, and say what you want to discuss. A referral email can identify the referrer, briefly explain the reason for contact, and ask whether the recipient has time over the next few days.⁶

   Include a relevant detail from your relationship with the referrer so the handoff connects to an actual conversation. Relevant relationship details belong in a referral request because the purpose is a warm introduction.⁷ Then show how you may help the person being introduced.⁸

   Make the purpose clear. Say whether you want the recipient to identify the right person, make an introduction, or suggest how to approach that person.

3. Make the request direct.

   Ask the contact to confirm whether they own the area before you ask for an introduction. Use: "Would you be the best person to contact about this?"⁹

   If they are not the right contact, ask: "Can you refer me to the person I should speak with?"¹⁰ This gives the contact a clear route without asking them to solve the whole problem for you.

4. Use an advice request when the direct ask feels heavy.

   Some contacts will guide you before they agree to introduce you. Ask who they would suggest you speak with and what context would make that conversation useful. One referral approach recommends asking for advice instead of asking directly for a referral.¹¹

5. Prepare the handoff before you send the request.

   Write a short message the contact can forward without editing. Do much of the work upfront and give the referral source a template to make the specific ask more successful.¹²

   Use this structure:

   "Hi [name], [referrer] suggested we speak because [reason]. I am reaching out about [area] and think I may be able to help with [relevant problem]. Would you have time over the next few days?"

   Keep the forwardable version focused on the recipient. The referrer supplies the trust, your reason supplies the context, and the question supplies the next action. If the contact offers an introduction, give them this text immediately. If they only provide a name, use the context they shared when you write to that person.

What not to do

These mistakes make the contact carry the work or force the referral before the route is clear.

• Do not treat the relationship as something you can shortcut. Referral relationships take time and cannot be shortcut.¹³
• Do not ask for the referral before the prospect has identified the responsible person.⁵
• Do not leave the purpose of the message for the recipient to infer. Making the purpose explicit helps even when the recipient is willing to talk.¹⁴
• Do not send a blank request that makes the contact write the handoff from scratch. Prepare the template before you ask.¹²
• Do not hide what you want behind general interest. Be direct about the requested outcome.¹⁵
• Do not give the contact a complicated next step. Give them an easy action they can take.¹⁶